I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You're like the curious george of whores
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
