You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your penis caused this!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
