you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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