Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We're too hungover to prance.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
