I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
