i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
