Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
