Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
