This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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