even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize