well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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