you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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