Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
