There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
