i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
