Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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