I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
