woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
