is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
