i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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