I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
