Please, let me fuck your mom
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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