I hope mine doesn't look like that
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
