put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
