sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Randomize