Kiss
Puke
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
