Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
