I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
