I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
The uberlube is also flammable
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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