i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
