I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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