Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
