Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
