My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
