I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
