feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
