sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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