tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
