Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
