maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
