no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
