There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
