My room smells like vodka and shame
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
