Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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