I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
