I love how my cats smell like pot.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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