I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
