There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
