I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize