we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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