I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
