oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
