i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
