sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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