dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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