i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.