if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
