But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Farmville is her only friend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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