Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
