No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
this hospital has no fireball
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
