South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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