Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We were destined to go to rehab together
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
