it was like his penis was on wheels.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
