Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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