We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
