I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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