so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
