Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
