If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Dear god my vagina.
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