walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
