why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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