UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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